The Formidable Path

I have just finished fiddling around with my blog. In a way, my life has changed drastically this past week, and I felt that it was time for a change. My former theme was too dark. I found myself needing something a little on the lighter side, just not too bubbly- that might be construed as hopeful, and I am far from hopeful at this moment. The way I put it - that ‘in a way’ my life has changed drastically may sound odd.

I will attempt to explain my wording. Things have been progressing for a while, pulling me down a path that I do not want to follow again. I’ve been there twice in my life, and twice is two times too many as far as I’m concerned. I can’t say that some part of me didn’t see this coming, but for the most part, I was impervious to the suggestion of my well trodden trail. It’s hard to see the big picture when we’ve got our noses in the paint. It was as though I was stumbling around with my eyes half closed for some time and all of a sudden I opened my eyes wide and saw my life.

But where I found myself wasn’t a pleasant place. I was being dragged along that path by a pack of black dogs, their jaws tearing into me and dragging me further and further into the darkness. I could see the faint impressions of footprints from my previous visits. Finally, the path ended in a dark chasm, so deep I could not see the bottom, and I clung on to the edge of it, my hands struggling on the stones and tree roots, my legs swinging wildly, feet trying to find a purchase against the wall of the pit.

And here I am still. Clinging to the edge for all I’m worth. I’m terrified of falling; I’ve been down there before and I can’t go there again. I won’t go there again. Some days are hard, by nightfall my arms are weary, my fingers so weak, I fear that I’ll slip without warning and fall into the gaping maw. Some days are easier, I feel that I’ve pulled myself an inch or two higher, closer to my salvation. What will become of me in the end? I truly don’t know. I must find the courage in my heart that I know is there, and fight once more to beat back those black dogs.