Mid-Night Introspection

Here I am again, on yet another late night. Usually I’d be in bed by now (I’ve been sleeping better lately), but tonight, I find myself the only one awake once again. So naturally, this calls for a middle-of-the-night blog, which quite frankly, I’m glad about because I haven’t been posting as often as I’d like lately.

Things have been both better and worse lately. I know that sentence makes no sense at all, but it is what it is, just like my life. And right now, my life makes no sense at all. On one side, things have been getting better slowly but surely. The black dogs have backed off my heels for the time being, but I haven’t yet felt confident enough to celebrate. They are wily creatures and they have a nasty way of creeping up on you as soon as you turn your back to them. Even when I’ve banished them before, their spirits remained, floating on the edge of my consciousness. However, after saying all of that, things have been getting better of late. That much I will admit. And of course, as so often happens, as soon as one part of your life improves, another falls apart.

So now we come to the other part, where my best friend betrayed me. The ironic thing is that when you’re fighting off one enemy, you tend to lean heavily on those you trust, and you fall hard when they turn on you too. Not that he meant to hurt me, or that he tried to hurt me. He just did, because of something that is a part of his nature, and a side of him that I’ve snatched only glimpses of before.

This is all sounding a little cryptic about now, but at least it’s helping me to get some of this out. For days, I’ve been stuck in the middle of nowhere, with this sort of mist inside of my head. I really have no idea how to deal with this betrayal. I’m hurt, but there is so much else going on that I need to deal with right now, that things tend to get prioritized and this hurt is less important than some of my other wounds, and therefore lands further down the list. The saying ‘Time heals all wounds’ comes to mind. Or is it ‘Time wounds all heals’? I’m not sure which one is more true. For now it’s enough to know that I’ll deal with it later. I’ll try to rest. Yes, I’ll rest and catch my breath and lick my wounds before I leap back into the fray.