There are many things that you realize once you become a parent. Things like, you no longer need drugs for instance. You don’t sleep, you’re paranoid, you smell, it’s the same thing! Also, whatever new song you’re addicted to on the radio these days doesn’t matter because inevitably, it will be Fisher Price music that you hum in the shower. And even though as kids we all hated Barney so much we wanted to bash in his stupid big purple head, you find yourself actually thanking him because he’ll distract your kid for a couple of minutes, long enough to say, scarf down a quick meal. You forget what it’s like to go anywhere without a diaper bag slung over your shoulder and carrying a car seat.
Even TV changes. It’s as though all they ever show is diaper ads. I never noticed diaper ads before. They might as well have not been on TV. Now that they apply, you get hooked, and you find yourself actually comparing features: ‘Well those Huggies Cuddleweave diapers may sound nice, but they don’t even compare to the Pampers Swaddlers with the 5 star absorbency rating!’ I mean, who knew that 5 stars were used for anything other than restaurants and car safety ratings?
I have been quite perplexed for sometime about diapers. Many people never have to give diapers a thought, except for parents, very old people and the odd unfortunate sap who gets duped into changing someone’s kid. Nobody in their right mind would care. But when you start to go through them by the hundreds, you have no choice but to notice them.
Now, each diaper company has got some kind of copyright deal with another entertainment company. For example, Huggies has a deal with Disney and therefore can put Winnie the Pooh characters on their diapers, and Pampers (which incidentally, we use) have Sesame Street characters on them. (or Sesame Park or whatever the hell they’re calling it these days…those bastards force feeding Cookie Monster veggies…it’s a travesty! Don’t even get me going on this one!) Then there are the generic brands who charge less for their diapers and can’t afford a real character so they get someone to draw their own sad cartoon. (coincidentally these diapers are usually as useful as say, tying a shopping bag onto your baby and hoping it doesn’t leak.)
I have a few questions about this. First of all, why would you put cute little cartoons on these diapers when babies can’t even see them? Second, when the diaper is actually done up, the cartoon is hidden by the tabs anyway, so again, why? Third, if by chance, your baby is genious enough to recognize that there are characters on the diaper (he/she would much rather be filling the diaper, eating or stuffing things into his/her mouth), they would never know it was Pooh or Tigger and by the time they were old enough to recognize them, they’d be potty trained! And finally, why on earth, knowing that parents are the only ones who see the diapers would these companies use cartoons? I mean, sure, they’re cute in the beginning, but after you’ve changed like, 10 of them, you get sick of seeing baby Ernie with his sippy cup or baby Elmo with his choo choo train. Why not put something that parents would like on them? Like stock tips for example. Or they could have fortunes on them: ‘confucious say you be spit up on in two hour.’ Just a thought.
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